Moe is their Leader

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The thing I hate about my house is that the bathroom is right next to the kitchen. The previous owner turned the upstairs bathroom into a third bedroom and built an extension onto the kitchen that’s now the bathroom. One good thing about it though, is that I can pop into the bathroom when the missus is in the bath (when she dosnae lock it) and have me an eyeful! When I'm doing the washing up say, soapy sudded fingers, mebbe a soiled pot or pan in hand, pop me head round the door mebbe amble over, who knows….
The other evening, there I was, usual spot by the bath, leering into the water, hand slowing descending into the bubbles….
Missus: Well, at least get rid of that plate for Christ sake!
Me: OK
Missus: Second thoughts, let’s leave it, mebbe we’ll do something later…eh?…yes?…oh don’t be like that, come on, later yeah? Later…

So I leave with my tail between my legs. painful.

Sometimes I get the distinct impression that when the missus lectures the kids, she’s actually talking to me, subliminally…

That same evening the smasher’s gone into the bathroom and she’s talking to him while I’m doing the washing up, so I’m listening…
Smasher: But I want a new Engine!
Missus: Well son, you know you have to be patient
Me: (mumbling) I hear that
Smasher: But, it’s not fair, I want it and I want it now!
Missus: Look; if you really want something, it’s worth waiting for it, isn’t it?
Me: (mumbling) No
Missus: And when you get it, think how much you’ve wanted it, and how much nicer it’ll be….
Smasher: awhhhh
Me: awhh…awhhh..
Missus: Shut up daddy, I CAN hear you out there and I am not talking about S-E-X OK?...Jeeezus, not everything's about you, you kow!!