Pontins – They told me how good it could be…but not how bad

Monday

Set off in the pouring rain after a 15 minute hunt for lost Pontins documentation, the missus upturning bins, looking down sofas while the kids and me wait in the car, the kids crying and me beeping the horn to hurry her up like. I think that helps…Face like thunder when she finally finds them, me not saying a word in case I say the wrong thing, like, “found them then” or “What took you?” ‘cos I didnae want to start the holiday off on da wrong foot…
So, get to Norwich in record time, ready for a spot of lunch. You know when your in a new city or town and you don’t know where things are, like restaurants that are child friendly, for example, and you set off looking for one, you by-pass dodgy looking places, places with no gardens, places that say “no kids” etc, so before long we’re heading out of town, on foot, still searching…and the missus is helping by saying things like, “for gods sake steve, let’s just FIND SOMEWHERE!!” and as luck would have it, along the river I spot a theatre with a café next to it WITH garden!! Bingo!!…So we settle there and I try to jolly the troops, by a coffee, a coke and a beer no food though, sorry…oh…of all the places to pick and I’m almost like, let’s find somewhere else until I see the missus’s face and decide no to…Of course on the way back to the car we pass a dozen places that would have been suitable, typical!

The thing about Pontins is that, of course, it’s cheap! And cheap attracts people, excluding ourselves, from three categories, Single mums, Northerners and people from Essex….or a combination of the three….and that’s in High season! In low season it attracts the above but with the addition of feckless parents who have no compunction in taking their kids out of school during term time…
And they all are overweight and they all smoke, including the kids!…..And I’m thinking, as I look about me in the “Gala entertainment/function” room or trying to look around me, through the thick smoke, having a beer and watching the evenings entertainment, balloon man (I kid you not) that this might well be a looooong week…

Slice and dice

So, I went to the eye surgery place yesterday afternoon, appointment at 3:15 but didn't get out of there till 5:00pm! Anyway, started off ok enough, few tests via machines, one blew air through a tiny hole onto (into?) my eye...then upstairs for a half hour wait. Another guy then anaesthetised my eyes, which stung like mad for a few seconds, before he began prodding my cornea for fucks sake!..prod...prod...prod...every time he did it, a machine went "beep"...and i grew fainter and fainter...oh, god, and this is the easy stuff...My pupils grew huge! quite weird...Then I saw me surgeon who talked me through the procedure, fist we anaesthetise your eyes, then we place a suction onto your eyeball, then we slice off the top of yir eye before blasting yir lens with a laser for about a minute and a half!!...Then, reading some sites today, I begin to weep copiously for about 4 hours, try to sleep and spend the next few days getting used to seeing without glasses!! if all goes to plan....hmmm scared now i am

Pontins

That's it booked now then, Pontins in Norfolk end of the month! It's not my first choice for a holiday...obviously....no, the Pontins in Blackpool would've been my first choice but it was fully booked that week...grrrrr! Still, a week off will be nice, especially after the last few weeks of stress.

Went out last night to meet some people who contribute to Wareonline Forum. It was only the second time they'd tried to get people together, I chickened out the first time and I must say it was very nice. I took the missus for some back-up but it wasn't necessary as it was all very friendly and I'll defo go to the next one..


Off to see a consultant in an hour or so to discuss laser treatment for my eyes Optimax. I got their bumph the other day and I have to say it looks scary, especially if it all goes wrong but feck it, hate these specs and want to look like a hunk, meet girls, have more sex etc and I just can't see that happening with me and these bins...so, will post up what the consultant tells me and what I decide to do...

Now wash your hands

So, here's me, last night in from work and i notice the baby's nappy needs changing, a defo pong coming from the smashers erse area so I think ok, i can do this and take him upstairs to change him. We decided, that is the missus decided when the baby came, that we'd use re-usable nappies, better for the environment and cheaper in the long run too, but by god they're a pain to get on and off. Poppers here, liners there, double and triple folds where Velcro should be, so I decided last night to fore-go all that and bung him in a disposable, well, why not? won't hurt...just this once....but, my god...how wrong was I?

Later that evening, the missus is changing the wee man only to discover...shock!!...horror!!...that, yes, before her very eyes was a disposable nappy on her little boy...omegod!..."Oil!!!...wots this on 'im!!??....i TOLD you, DON'T put these things on him...use the renewable ones!!...I'm gonna hide the disposable from you if you keep on defying me!!..."
But, I...I...was only trying to help love...I....ohgod....and she sulked for the rest of the evening

Later that evening my other smasher decided, after 2 or 3 long days denying himself, that he needed a poo and my god, you'd never believe what came out of him...the size would put a grown man, who likes his grub. a lot. to shame, but, bless him, he's still wrestling with the finer intricacies of wiping his bum afterwards, showing his erse the paper seems to be enough for him; so, come getting ready for bed, daddy found another horror awaiting him in his sons pants!...jesus, wasn't my night to "do dad things" last night, will stick to coming in from work, sloping down on the sofa and watching telly in the future I tell ya!!