Deepdale Camping in North Norfolk

North Norfolk

Life begins at 40 - so do age discrimination laws

Ahh let’s get this over with, I turned 40 last Friday – I got a pair of trainers from the turn-off, Hush Puppies naturally, some cash from my sister and from my in-laws. Excellent I said to the missus, £45 to blow down the boozah, Oh no she says, the money from my parents is for buying plants for the garden! Uh-ugh I said, my birthday, my money…actually this is just too bloody depressing to spell out, we all know what happens here don’t we? – plants are doing very well in the garden now, thanks.

Actually, while I was sulking around the garden centre I spotted a couple of director type chairs, perfect I thought for lazy days in the sun, so I spent my sisters money on them.

Saturday we all set off for Deepdale, north Norfolk for 2-night impromptu camping. Wonderful spot on the site, overlooking rolling hills, but boy was it windy and my god, at night it was cold – all of us getting into our sleeping bags in layers of clothes, too cold to bother getting up again until the sun came right up the next day and with my bladder you know that’s a painful wait. – But I got me my first sun burn of the year on a so-called nudist beach my so-called mate recommended I visit-and-don’t-tell-the-missus-until-we’re-there wink-wink carry on camping stylee but did we see any flesh on display? Did we fuck.

I met the lads the other night, swapped holiday stories, they patted me on the back and welcomed me to the 40-year-olds club. I didn’t realise until now but almost every conversation they have is framed within the context of age, holidays, sex, jobs you name it, they’ll say something like,…’and I’ve only got 10 more years of this…’ or ‘…and at my age, that’s not bad…’ or’…so what if I have to take viagra, if it gets me there and keeps me there I’ll take that heart attack risk…’

Sapphire

We were invited to have lunch with the in-laws and her brother on Saturday in a local pub. It was one of those pizza-in-a-pub places, nice enough scrag and plenty of room for the smashers outside to play. When we arrived they were all settled with a glass of wine chatting away but it wasn’t until 15 minutes in that someone raised a toast to the in-laws 45^th wedding anniversary that I lost it and said, “well, I would toast you but no-ones offered me a drink yet!” – Oh-oh, would you like a drink Steve, too bloody right I would! – The rest of the meal passed by uneventfully, the brother boring us all by reading out loud the ingredients from his Red Bull drink, then trying to get us to go to Ostend for our summer holidays - er, why would we do that then? And generally talking over everyone else until we all give up and sat there listening to him drone on and on.

Amazingly another bottle of red wine arrives and I help myself to another glass and, 30 minutes later, I’m eyeing up the 3/4 full bottle for third helpings when it was decided that no, we wouldn’t have coffee in the pub, we’d all leave immediately and head back to my house and leave a perfectly good bottle of wine right there on the table! I don’t know if it says more about me or them - that abandoned bottle of wine, me for the sheer waste of it or them that they don’t crave it like me, so can do without. - I know, it says more about me...I know it does...

We all headed back to our house, I said to the wife, drop me off in town and I’ll pop the DVD back into the shop and wander back home, Oh no, she says, I know you, you’ll 'pop' into a pub on the way home too and leave me to it; I’ll park up and wait for you to drop the film in, then we’ll all drive home. Damn, I’m a predictable fecker.

When they drank their coffee and left, I still have an urge for beer, so wandered down to Tesco’s for a bottle of red wine, then popped into my local, where they’ve actually forgotten what I drink now, so always ask me, which is annoying considering. Had one pint and came home and fell asleep in the shed. I mean summer house.

Summer house

Finally, after what seems weeks and weeks, the summer house is ready for it's summer resident. Me.