This has to end...

No no...not another end of Apoptygma blog...yesterday I got this from my so-called mate....edited version...

Hi Steve

I think we have come to a bit of a parting of the ways Steve.
It seems whenever u enter my life i get dragged down into
a another world i don't want to be in. I'm trying to change my life and i feel i have let myself
down at the weekend. I just can't do these things anymore, for a
start i'm becoming a teacher and i can't live a double life. I
know you will find this funny but i'm serious. You can do what you like
its your life but it is not mine anymore. Every one gets a bit older and wiser and i think its time
we admitted to ourselves that we really haven't got that much in common
anymore apart from drink. So its time to go our separate ways.

All the best

Gr*


Hmmm....nice one eh?...so here was me thinking, yeah...not a bad weekend all in all, spent way too much money but so what? Glad I made the effort to get back in touch, it would be one less thing to beat myself up with at the end of my life when I'm laying there with the score card of life...wish I hada done this, said that, spoken to him/her etc....at least I've said I gave me and Gr* another go. What gets me is the way he's saying I'm a bad influence! this from a guy who seems to know every waster in every boozah in Bristol, this from a guy who spends his giro's on...ah what's the point? Fuck him.

I have visited only 6% of the world

Male pattern baldness

I'll have 12 pints of strong lager please Steve!....Jesus, we had the option of taking it easy this weekend or acting juvenile pissheads and guess what we chose to do?...Hmmm, took me under two hours door to door to get there, me worrying the 90 on me speedometer most of the way; when I get to his flat he's all up for driving down to the beach for a day out in the fresh air, the idiot! No way says me, let's find the nearest boozah and catch up. He's not changed much, balder, he may as well get a number two and have done with it, but otherwise the same hey! we even picked up on some old topics as if the last 3 years hadn't happened. I sort of skirted round the why-you-no-keep-in-touch-with-me-anymore thing, but it was sorta lost in the drink talk and the glad-to-see-you-again talk.
We did a mini pub crawl round Cliffton area, ended up in this spit and sawdust drunkery playing pool with an assortment of "characters" including a drunk Sikh and a mad old tramp...good pool players mind you, including this bird who whipped everyone's ass! amazing. girl beating men at pool. sheeesh!...Then we hit a lap dancing place where mately went for a private dance and got the birds phone number, no wait, he gave the girl his number, yes that's it...end of the evening, back home, he's checking his fecking messages, pissed, going, "but she said she'd call me!"...hmmm...shithole place anyway so we moved onto a club...amazing, in London I wouldn't be let into a club at my tie of life but in Bristol, no botha, in you come. On the way home we stopped off for the obligatory pizza. well pissed.

Next morning he's up and logged onto the internet "chatting" to some bird, "big_boobs", from Romania, or so she says, on one of those $2.99 a minute chat lines. Send me your email says he, over and over, no I can't she's saying, not allowed to, join my fan club...er...what are your fantasies then?....please, send me your email, i have a house...I want to marry you!!....So, after a while, I slipped out and left him to it...bye then mate....bye mate...I don't think he heard me though.

Good weekend

Mine's a large one!....oooooooo-eerrrrrrr

Off to see that mate of mine in Bristol tomorrow...the one I havenae seen in almost 3 years. It's gonna be weird I reckon, after all the wanker decided to stop seeing me, to stop being my friend and I still dunno why....but I intend to have it out with the cant god damnit!, obviously well into my fifth or sixth pint, I'll lean into him, stare into his booze-crazed eyes and say
..."sho...ya cant...why you hate old stevie then?...wuz I ever done to you eh?....eh?..." then I'll throw a punch or two. fuck him. bollocks, I ain't going now!...

Or...mebbe....just mebbe...I be a little contrite, a little humble and apologies for being myself, say sorry for winding him up by having a job, a wife, a house and kids....I dunno.
Was that what it was all about? or was I really a tosser, AM I really one still?...deep down I think I probably am, mebbe not as bad as I was but the judgemental thing was defo strong within me back then, oooo look at me mate, waster dolite scum that he is, dreamer and lazy bones to boot! Why he no geta proper job and grow up?...Christ, I can hear myself now....all reasonable stuff maybe in this day and age of cynicism and selfishness but the guy's a poet, a creative and yes a dreamer but so what?! at least he has some dreams.
Where are mine? house, car, kids and missus = check. now what...oh, just keep going steve till you drop. well done, here, have a grave stone....hmmmm think I'll pursue this line of thought over a pint with me mate. Gr*y mate, what you having?

Shuddup shuddup….just shuddup, shuddup…

Closed doors are like a red rag to Bob, my cat, I’m telling ya! 4:00am this morning right, and the baby’s moaning, so up I get and after a few minutes trying to get him back to sleep, I give up and bring him in with us, where he carried on moaning for the next three quarters of an hour. Fed up now, I curse and haul his baby ass back to his cot, closed his door, walked along the corridor, back into our room and closed our door! Right, let the little bugger moan all he wants, we won’t be able to hear him and I can get me Swede down for the remainder of the night, i.e. one bloody hour!….but what’s that noise?…scrape…scrape…paw…mew!…Fuck! Cat!!…And up I leap, throw open the door and send the fucker on his way with my toe up its bloody mankey hairy arse!!…
“Oi” says the missus, “calm down”
“And you can shuddup n’all, or you’re outya here too!!” I say….

Fuming, I lay back down but I’m thinking, bloody cat, I mean he’s had all night to get up and walk out, all bloody night! but Oh no!! He’s gotta do it seconds after I’ve shut the door and laid back down; doesn’t matter if it’s the living room door, the cat flap, the bedroom door…once he sees me close anything he’s up and at it, scratching and pawing at it…so, now, I is a little cranky.

The 3 amigo's!

I went for a curry last night, vegetarian restaurant in Finchley central somewhere, very nice although with me not drinking, I feel I lost out a little, after all, I'm not used to going out for an evening and drinking coke, lemonade....Kalibur (shudder)....Still, got home a reasonable time and woke up this AM without a hangover and after Wednesday, I hope I never experience another one again...oh god, the vomit... the pain...the dizziness, shakes and hot and cold sweats....

Any-hoo the occasion was to say goodbye to the last vrisko boys to leave, a developer and the ex-MD. One's off to Thailand for 3 months by the beach while the other's off to set up a new company, consulting....now, this is how NOT to operate a company...believe me, I been there...£400 please...Keeerrrrr-ching!!....should work out ok for him, hope so anyway. That leaves just 3 of us left now, the 3 amigo's! from an original line up of 12, ah well...progress innit.

Christ!! been baking this poo for half an hour now and I thinks it's ready...bloody veggie curries!

Bathroom high jinks

Jeeesus, went out last night, met dave, Neeek, Nige for a few in the City's first non-smoking booozah, the one with "atmosphere"...hmmm was a good night, ended up hammered, cannae remember getting home...usual stuff, no one gets hurt....a little frail this AM though. Still, a chance to see Dave and Nige before they get off to Chile.

Doing up me bathroom at the moment, taking off all the tiles, buying a new suite, changing the plumbing and lighting about a bit. Found an old newspaper in a grill behind a tile last weekend from 1991, funny but from the decor I'd've thought the last time the bathroom was decorated would've been much earlier, any-hoo it's a sure fast way of spending £2000 that's all i know....sheeeesh..

The missus went out with her Matalan mates Saturday night, people told me this would happen, but did I listen?...anyway she came home hammered, totally wasted unable to get into the house. I directed her to the back door and I watched her as she tried to get the key into the door, I shouted, put yir keys thru the catflap and i'll open the door my end, this she did then started giggling when i told her to fuck off! now I had her keys...sigh...but i let her in eventually, of course I did, but I wish i hadn't though as I spent the next hour and a half holding her hair out from her face as she spewed her guts up every 10 minutes.....women! totally unable to hold their liqueur

Man Breasts

Wondered what the top 20 newly coined words and phrases were last year?...course you have, we all have!...well, here they are...from Word Spy

• metrosexual


• flash mob


• google


• poox


• wife acceptance factor


• man breasts


• Generation Y


• Google bombing


• Chickenability


• pomosexual


• jump the shark


• bridezilla


• leather spinster


• toxic bachelor


• bear jam


• butt call


• drink the Kool-Aid


• librarian chic


• irritable male syndrome


• dead cat bounce


• phishing


• time porn


• chewable liquor


• earworm


• salad dodger

Happy new year

Ah yes, well, it dosnae help when one of my New Year resolutions is to keep a diary...doh!...so, here I am again..what the hell, I don't remember last year much so it's a good job I've written some of it down and I know it'll be the same this time next year unless I record it somewhere for my brain...So, Xmas is, I find, as Xmas does to a man, adds a few pounds to himself, ruins the skin, cleans out his wallet and makes him generally depressed:
A: For all of the above
B: For the coming year and all it entails...me optimistic?...er..

Xmas day, bad news, phone call from the missus parents, cannae come to brov-in-laws for xmas day, ill with the flu....Jesus it comes to something when even his own parents wimp out and make up excuses don't it?...Don't worry I'm thinking, the brother will call and cancel...no way will he let us come all the way up there on xmas day now....any second we'll get the call....No we won't says the missus, now get in the car!!...7 hours later, a tired and angry me hustled the family into the car, said our goodbyes and sped down the motorway home, to my first beer of the day...To say the day dragged would be an understatement....any-hoo line drawn and all that. The rest of the holiday I spent D.I.Ying the bathroom, buying a new suite for it and knocking off the tiles. Our £2,000 budget for the whole thing now seems wildly optimistic, but we'll crack on and see how far we'll get.

Whit's that? what did I get for chrimbo?...ah well...lemme see if I can remember...a wallet, an car ice scraper, anti-wrinkle cream (i kid you not - which, so far doesnae seem to be working) a breathalyser (i kid you not - which does seem to work) a couple of CD's, Apoptygma (natch) Erasure, best of...ummm...and a couple of books...not a bad haul in all.

Back to work 2nd Feb, so this is my first real week back and I'm trying, though god knows why, to stay off the booze which is difficult because already I have 2 invitations to go boozing....sheeeeesh....goodbye 2003, hello 2004, wussup?