Hey ladys, you like music? you like biker jackets?...you like young boys with dyed black hair then?...ah, PC scanners! re-live yir feckn' youth I say...sigh... 

Duck feeding when the snow came 

It all gets too much for baby smash though...look at him! bless 

Xmas morning. smashers opening their stockings 

Christmas round ours

What can I say about this years Christmas?..it sure coulda been worse, that’s for sure…no, this year went fine all considering…I suppose it started on Thursday when we all went out for a work lunch and spent 3 hours sinking pints. By the time I got back to work it was nearly time to knock off for the day, so I did and went home and bought a bottle of red wine for the evening…

Friday, last day at work, feeling a little hungover but plodded my way to 2pm when we were all told to go home! I went to the cross keys pub and waited for all my mates to show up. One and a half hours and 3 lonely pints later my so-called mate Dave did manage to arrive, so we had 4-5 pints and called it a night. It was an interesting night though, plenty of dave and steve time, lot’s to get off our chests, y’know?

Christmas eve the missus went to work during the day, so the smashers and I amused ourselves at home. That morning we drove u to my sisters to drop off the pressies and say Hi to my dad who was staying there over xmas. Typically miserable as ever, I had to wring a thank-you from him when he’d finished opening the two presents I’d bought him, ah well, I wasn’t expecting any love, hugs or tears anyway…when I left my sister said he was moaning because I’d not left him any money!…

When the missus got back from work I dashed up to the pizza pub for our xmas eve dinner take-a-way and spent the rest of the evening setting up the pressies, carrot and glass of sherry nonsense for Santa and all that guff…oh and the missus opened her special pressie from me…the one that needed batteries, y’know?…she loved it…the dirty cow.

Let’s see…Christmas day…oh yeah, after the present opening, I got a new clock radio, we all headed north to her parents for the day-long marathon that is xmas-at-her-mothers but amazingly when we arrived and was tucking into our stone cold dinner, the mother said, shamed faced I thought, that maybe they were getting a little too old for all the preparations and that maybe from now on it might be better if we stayed away for lunch and just like, came up for tea in the evening for an hour or so!!!! Fuck me, miracles do happen at Christmas! But of course the brother ruined it all by suggesting we could all come up to his house instead as they had a double oven and hob combo so everything could be cooked at once and stay hot or something, to be honest I was still basking in the first bit of good news from her mother. And yet another break from tradition, they’d bought some beers in for me so during the day I just like, helped myself! Wonderful and by 6pm the missus said, ok we’re off home to watch Dr Who.

Boxing day, she went back to work, I went to M&S to spend my gift vouchers but found the place closed. The next day I went back and found it mobbed, truly awful I had to turn round and get out of there I couldna stand the crowds…

That’s it I think, looking forward to the new year, another diet and Christ knows what the job front will deliver but I do know what my resolution will be for next year and that’s simply to stay alive…just to stay alive. Y’know?

Me me me!!!

I was listening to the radio this morning and there was a discussion about round robin letters people send out in xmas cards. I had one myself the other day from an old friend, you know the sort of thing...we've recently moved into our 5 bedroom house, out here in the countryside, which is a bit of a pain given that we're now flying off to Portugal for 3 weeks for our 4th holiday this year, however will we get the new house sorted?...the children are settling into boarding school well, Harry is about to go up to Oxford next year, so is busy with his studies..." bla bla fucking who cares...right?...anyhoo, the discussion then moved onto, naturally enough, to texting and how people tend to text you all about how wonderful they are, what great things they're doing in Australia, Bratislava, Poland etc to instil envy in the recipient...Ooohhh...we're getting hammered in this great bar, full of top class totty, the beer is 3p a pint and you are a cunt for not being here sorta thing...and the guy on the radio said, why can't your mates or family text you something autristic, unselfish, something nice like, I am thinking of you..how are you? and I thought, yeah, great idea, less of the me me me and more the caring sharing attitude, especially this time of year...yeah?
So, I thought, right...and I texted a number of so-called mates and a member of my family...Hey! thinking of you - how are you? - and I thought, they will either:
Text back - yeah, great, thanks mate for caring, I'm fine, how are you?
Text back - what the fuck are you on about?
Not text back

Sigh, in this mad. crazy, dangerous and selfish world, guess what happened?...I tell ya...I had one response, selecting option 2 but I'm not surprised, not anymore, not now...not now

Happy Christmas! 

Fuck yous arseoles. bloody charmn' 

Kids these days eh?...giving the camera evils! 

So-called mate and his so-called brother...pub talk pubtalk...holiday...pubtalk pubtalk...zzzz...This was our ex-FT xmas drink and steak night. expensive it was. 

Giggle 

Phone rule

Another rule
Living room
Do not phone your brother, or anyone really, from the living room phone, late at night, when I'm watching the telly...so that the telly then has to be turned down so low, it may as well not be on for fucksake, go upstairs and make your bloody call or I'll make MY calls when DullEnders is on, How would you like that?!!

Batteries not included

I couldn’t do it to her, not at Christmas, I couldnae just give her some money and let her have nothing to open, as a surprise, on xmas day could I?…not on, so today I was pleased to see my extra surprise arrive at the door, recorded delivery. I can’t let on what it is…let’s just say it came in a plain brown box…and leave it at that. And it requires batteries, not included. And leave it at that.

I was in Tesco’s earlier, the missus is out doing something with the smashers, some kiddie party I’ve not been invited to, thank fuck, and on these occasions I like to wander up and down the aisles looking for stuff we don’t normally buy, you know the sort of thing, Cilit Bang, starch, expensive loo freshener and conditioner…so anyway, there I am with a basket full of stuff we don’t need and the old bag of a women serving me, with obviously with an eye on getting her hands on the customer serving person of the year awards or something, starts chatting to me. Me for Christ sake! So, with every item she’s scanning, it’s like this...

Her: Oh, organic cider, everyone’s buying this, is it any good?

Me: er…yeah, sure, it’s why I’m buying it

Her: Oh, I like this bread, it’s very nice this stuff..

Me: Uh-huh

Her: Cilit Bang, now then, IS this stuff any good?

Me: I dunno, I’m gonna try it out, it better the amount it costs…

Her: Oh, these are odd, C batteries, we don't sell many of these…what do you use these for I wonder?

Me:

Her: er…£16.50 then please…

Bloody noisy cow.