Drain

 

Well..the worst has happened, I went to the eye clinic yesterday and they found a load of blood on the inside of my eye, so they have to operate to drain it, which means i have less than 50% chance of saving the sight in my left eye!...can't believe this is happening...Got a date for the op, next Monday!

Jeeez...what I meant was....everything's fine!...me and my imagination eh?...so I rush in there and am immediately seen by this very attractive Indian lady who gets right up close to sweaty old me and looks deeply into my eyes, before declaring everything's fine and dandy!...wait though, says me, what about the blood in my eye?...she looks me over and says, rather cheekily I thought, How's your blood pressure Mr D*..?...because it looks as if it might be a bit on the high side and pressure on the eye has caused your eye to bleed...Hmmm...told her I am at the peak of physical condition and that it must be something else...

Then I mentioned it originated from the tear ducted, maybe that was the cause like..."would do you mean?", says she..."Oh..er...you know like real tears might've caused it", says me..."How so", says she......"Well...er...What if, for instance, I like, cried a bit...would that have done this?"..."Like when", says she?..."The other day mebbe..", says I...."I don't understand, are you saying you've been crying?!!"...(I couldn't believe it, how embarrassing!!).."No...well...I was watching this, er....slushy film the other night..and...I noticed the blood in my eye right after like"..."Arhhhhh", says she, "Nooo...arhhhh...Bless...etc"(I thought she was gonna ask me to name the bloody film for her for a minute!)...

Got outya there sharpish I tell ya!!

Hide and seek

I get home last night and as usual go upstairs to change and have some time to myself for 10 minutes before going back downstairs for dinner, kids, missus etc etc...but it's becoming the norm now for smasher number 1 to follow me up and tell me about his day..."went to tesco's...went to see the animals...fed the ducks....mummy had the milkman in..." etc...

So after we'd gone through his day I say wanna hear about daddy's day?.....he say, is it like yesterdays?...I say...ummm yeah, more or less, so he say, let's not botha then, let's play hide and seek!!...Fair enough, don't blame the kid, so off he goes and hides in the wardrobe while I count loudly up to 10...coming ready or not!!...and I hear all this giggling coming from the wardrobe, which I have to pretend I can't hear like, while I play-act my way round the room..."Is he under the bed?...Noooo....Is he in the laundry box?...Nooo..." etc...

Well, last night I just went straight to the wardrobe and "found" him...couldn't be arsed playing...But then it was my turn to hide, so off I crept into the baby's room and hid behind the door!!...I could hear him looking all over for me, upstairs/downstairs/asking mummy...while I went back to my bedroom and read my book on the bed...arhhhh!!! there you are says he 10 minutes later, I looked on the bed, you weren't there!...Oh yes I was, says me, I made myself DISAPPEAR!! whoaooo...and he's like, WHAT!! HOW!!...show me!!...do it again!!!...so, I say, OK close yir eyes and count to ten...and off I went, same place, then back to the bedroom when he'd gone downstairs looking for me!!...kids eh?...shoulda seen his face when he came back up again...hahaha...wish I really could make myself disappear though...that would be cool...now...lemme see...where would I go...hmmm...tricky

Streaky bacon eye

Decided to bring my after-care eye appointment forward to tomorrow as I've had a blood streak across my left eye since Saturday, when, while watching a soppy film, I must've shed a tear or two and I think it's somehow caused an infection. A little worried as it's gone fairly blurred too!...typical, I blame my sensitive side for all this, if only I'd been a hard man and not blubbed...and now it's gonna cost me..
Home early last night and my eldest asking me to build him a desert so he can run his railway through it, told him to pretend the floor it was already laid out on WAS a desert..to use his imagination, but it was no use, he couldn't grasp the concept at all....so I kicked in his layout and sent him to bed...Rest of the night was dull, even Spooks doesn't hold my interest much anymore...and as for Ground Force USA...well...you know yir in trouble when they start playing around with the formula!

Come lie next to me

Managed get my second wind in time for meeting some friends Friday night, Founders Arms by the Thames...by the third pint of Stella I was well on my way again!...The missus called to say the baby had rolled over! amazing, 4 months old and he's trying to crawl...nearly shed a tear I did, until I remembered there was a half drunk Stella waiting for me..Saturday, lazy day, paid wage cheque into Bank and spent the rest of the day recovering. Sunday I went to pick up my Dad and then my sister, taking them back to Ware for Sunday lunch and beers, lovely day, ended up staying in the pub till 6:00ish, then the missus took them home while I sat and listening to the church bells peeling while I finished off my 7th Stella...nice...Today, not good..eye's playing up a bit and I'm detoxing, so am depressed and edgy, not a good combo I tell ya!

Connecting to Neural Net

 

Oh god....what happened?...started off ok...even managed to leave earlish...but,
my god, the hangover....hello toilet bowl...

Sizzling Summer Party

Yes, it's that time of the year again, The CiG summer party!!...Information professionals come from all over to celebrate another year in work, to mix with ones peers, to network and exchange business cards...and to get hammered of course!...Gotta be on me good behaviour though, don't wanna make the same drunken fool of myself as I did at the Xmas CiG party where I mistook the party for New Orleans Mardi-Gras and asked one CiG member if she'd show me her tits, because of all the beads around her neck...needless to say she wasnae very impressed with me....later I found myself at Heathrow for some reason....what a night...so, tonight, control...sober....yes

Piglets BIG movie

On way home Friday, stop off at Tottenham Hale as usual, and who should plonk himself opposite me but my next-door neighbour!!…the one I don’t talk to…the one who used to bang on our bedroom wall when the missus used to howl and wail while we were making love, shouting at us to stop…STOP!! As it was driving a wedge between his missus and himself…well, who could blame him?…So, it was a little awkward to say the least…”hello!!…oh…er…hello!!!…ummm…going home then?….yes…you?…er…yeah…yeah…” and so on until he fished out a book and I went back to “sleep”…So, our station hoves into view and I’m busting to go to the bog, 3 pints after work and I’m thinking, OK, we gotta walk off up the road together, nothing else for it…and it’ll look well dodgy if I say, umm…think I’ll go for a pint and duck into a booza to get rid of him…so, instead I grasp the initiative and ask if he fancied a beer, thinking, he’ll seize the opportunity I’m giving him to say No and peg it home like, but instead he says Yes!!…Jezzzzus!…so we go for 2 pints and he turns out to be a nice chap!…who woulda thought eh?
Saturday, the missus takes the smashers up to see her brother for a BBQ, I’m invited but decide not to go, for my sanity more than anything else, good job too as reports came back telling of dullness and more dullness…the missus stood nearly 3 hours of it before she cracked and made lame excuses about bed-times for the smashers and all that…
Sunday, took the elder lad to the cinema for the first time!! Piglets BIG movie at Harlow UGC cinema, bless him, he loved it! And was very good throughout, no fidgeting wandering up and down the aisles, no toilet breaks…that was all me, weak bladder, darkness disorientation, I can’t help it…
Put me in mind of my first trip to the Pictures with my dad I tell ya, some flea pit in Harrow, or was it South Harrow?…Something inappropriate any-hoo...Burt Reynolds?...dad pished, snoring, me, carton of warm orange & tob of ice cream at half time, everyone smoking, (imagine that?!) and a second feature from the children’s film foundation...which we usually walked out on, middle class cunts having adventures in bloody Devon...

The Insolvency Service

Got a letter from The Insolvency Service yesterday telling me that I wasn't entitled to any redundancy money from the NI fund. It said that the new company I work for, i.e. The old one bascially takes over most of the obligations in relation to it's employees, including any payments due and suggests I take any claim up with them...nice eh?...so, there goes any holiday pay, redundancy pay, compensation for notice etc etc I would have got with any other employer or if we'd truely gone bust and I'd've had to find summat else...Now I'm left with a debt I'd built up whilst unemployed and the month I had to support myself whist working my "first" month in my "new" job!!...bugger...AND the money I was spending on my eye operation believing that redundo money was winging it's way to me...sigh....

The WAGN heat effect

I caught the 16:49 to Cambridge, intending to change at Broxbourn for the Hert East train...silly me...didn't read the WAGN website that's telling it's customers that, because of the heat..yes, the heat now, there's speed restrictions of 5 miles per hour around Enfield Lock and Cheshunt; so on the hottest day of the year there we all were, sweating into WAGN's seats, crawling along if we were lucky as most of the time the train was at a dead stop, while the trains travelling in the other direction hurtled passed us!! How does that work then??....My normal 40 minute journey turned into a 2 hour one!!...So not a happy chappie last night I tell ya!
Went to see Optimax yesterday, eyes are doing well now, infection gone!

Sting!

So, it's been over a week now since the operation and I still have an infection in my left eye. I went to see Optimax the day after and was alerted to the infection...not to worry, they said, come in again next Wednesday and keep taking the drops. Well, I went there the other day and sure enough, still infected, although the right eye is clear and working fine. Come in again next week, keep taking the drops in the left eye. I then get a call that evening, come in Monday instead we need to keep an eye on this...so, I'm not worried at all then. I have to say that the eye is a little uncomfortable, so have started wearing my sunglasses, all day, even now I'm peering through them...and I look a right twat no doubt, but feck it, it does seem to help. Been really hot this week too which doesn't help, me squinting all day plays havoc I tell ya...didn't help this morning when I got some shampoo in the left eye n'all...not the right eye, oh no...the left one...hmmm

Eye Surgery

So, last week, Thursday, I was driven to the eye clinic, swigging vodka from a bottle as the missus tutted behind the wheel...well, I was nervous wasn't I?
Waited about an hour before I was called in..deep breaths, sweaty palms...only to be told they were sorting out some equipment and would be an additional 15 minutes...so I sat in the ante-room listening to things buzz and clank in the operating room, which did nothing for my Zen like calm I had been concentrating on for the past hour or so...ok...ok...the booze was wearing off and I was getting the jitters!
"You can come in now Mr D..."...oh god...lay down please and put your head under this enormous laser and cutting machine please...and open yir eyes real wide for daddy!!...gulp...

15 minutes later, I slipped off the table and was escorted back to my chair, visibly shaken and as white as a sheet, Julian Clary had personally washed!
Quick pint across the road afterwards and I was back home, darkened room, more booze helping me re-live the operation...the lights, the sounds..and the smell of burnt hair as the eye lense is zapped!!...4 days later and the eyes are still a little blurry and dry but visibility has improved...no doubt about it...will let you know how/if there's any improvement...stand by

Pontins - day 4 - Thursday

We're all off to the Dinosaur Park, a few miles outside Norwich, bit of a trek, but worth it as it turned out to be our best day of the holiday; the smashers loved it and we ended up staying all day! I navigated us there, no problems...back though I'm afraid I took the family on a detour, added about an hour onto the journey so we decided to stop off at a pub/restaurant by the river for some dinner (can't order food before 6:30pm!) which was average but it was the other clientele that made us hurry up out of there...unbelieveable some people, woolfing down their food, burping, no manners and common! my god...I tell ya...these people, where do they come from...and why do they all come to Norfolk for their holiday?...Didn't mention that the missus had a rotten cold all through the holiday so she wasn't on top form...
Went out for the entertainment that evening, which wasn't bad, good for the kids...which is about as good as I can say about it...looking forward to leaving tomorrow

Pontins - day 3 - Wednesday

Why not combine a train ride with a boat ride? – well, why not indeed on Norfolk’s longest narrow gauge heritage railway! So off we set to Aylsham to pick up our train…a lovely day, sweeping majestically down into Wroxham to pick up our cruise through the Broads..Once on the boat we were delighted to find that not only did we have a skipper…but an opinionated one at that who was only too willing to share some of his views with us! Now I’m not sure if it was inclusive on the price but we certainly got our money’s worth and the running commentary will live with me for many years! Examples: (in a broad Norfolk accent)

“…On our left ‘ere you’ll see the house where George Formby lived in, when ‘ee were down ‘ere in this neck ‘o the woods…priced now on tha maarrrket for £300k…and down ‘ere anovver ‘ouse priced at £250k…”(yes, he told us the prices of nearly all the houses along the river!)

“…Now, Oi don’ know about you, but Oi’ve always wondered why it iz that wolly jumpers shrink ina wash but sheep don’t shrink in the rain!…” (dozens of these little out-of-a-novelty-xmas-houmour-book-observations)


“…you’ll notice Oi refeer to moi ship as a “she” well, all us mariners do that and that’s because a ship is very moich loike a lady, she needs a lot ov loive an’ attention!..” (titters here from the passengers, mostly from the over 60 brigade…i.e. all of them)

“…Now, you’ll all be wondern’ why it is that all the churches round ‘ere are set away from the villages, well, that’s because after the black death and villages were rebuilt, it was always away from the original village….yes…a lot of good people died during the black plague, many people lost their loives…” (dramatic pause…like, it all happened the other day and it still cut him up thinking about it!!…Jeeesus!!)

“…now, what’s that over there?! (Here he spots a pleasure cruiser on the lake with, wait for it, a union jack on it’s stern!…Out-bloody-rage!!) you’ll see over there a boat, now, if I were to tell you that us mariners find the sight of a union jack on a boat HIGHLY offensive, it should be a red ensign and he bloody well knows that!..he probably got it in a shop or summant..(all the while our cruise ship is edging closer to this poor boat, oblivious to our skippers rage…the boat on a collision/ramming course)…he could get a fine for that!…I can’t believe what I’m lookn’ at…” (slowly his temper abates and he turns the boat away and carries on with the tour, but it was a close thing I tell ya!)

Pontins - day2 - Tuesday
Woke up to every weathergirl on the TV saying it was going to be a beautiful hot day! So after breakfast off we set to the beach, a 20 minute walk or so…As you travel down Beach road there’s dozens of holiday and caravan parks, one even boasted a theatre hosting turns from Britain’s biggest names…from the 70’s and early 80’s…Little and Large and Jimmy Cricket no less. As you get closer to the beach both sides of the road get busier with shops and rides for kids…ignoring the throng of northerners stuffing their faces with burgers and ice creams at 9:30am mind you, we carried onto the beach…

A wooden path takes you right onto the beach and you can leave the buggy at the end, as pushing it through sand is a nightmare, we sat down fairly close by, to keep an eye on it like…fair enough, young couple with kids, need to be near the path, right?…Oh…but so does every other fecker n’all! Everyone, and I mean every single person who set foot on the beach after us, plonked themselves in ever decreasing circles around us until one northern family, single mum, gran and two fat kids, sat about a metre behind us…and all sparked up…the fresh sea breeze became a London smog within seconds…at which point we decided to leave. I mean why though? Plenty of space, a whole beach and these lazy feckers that cannae be ersed walking 5 metres away from the nearest café/pub….spoil it for everyone…or is it just me, not wanting to share my beach mat with me neighbours fat erse?..
An afternoon in the site swimming pool and a few beers in the pub opposite mellowed me out for the rest of the day