I inadvertantly dropped [some perfume] on my pussy and I had tomcats throwing themselves at my catflap all night

3:00am
Click-thwack-bang!.. Click-thwack-bang!

Goes the cat-flap this morning, wakes me up from my much needed beauty sleep and I shift my feet around the bottom of the bed; sure enough I feel bobby, my spineless cat. Downstairs the neighbours cats are treating my gaff like an open house, coming and going as they please, eating bobbies food while bobby just let’s them, behaving, well, like a pussy. And here was me thinking cats are territorial, they defend what’s theirs, obviously not in bobby’s case. Bloody cats, I’ve a good mind to go round the neighbours’ houses and demand payment for feeding their moggies these last 2 years....

Missus: That’ll be number fourteens cat, the tabby
Me: I thought he comes earlier?
Missus: No, you’re thinking of number eighteen, the black and white one, you know the kitten?
Me: Christ, he learns quickly, they only got him the other week!
Missus: I don’t think the black ones been yet though..
Me: Which black one?
Missus: The one from Musley lane…
Me: Musley-fucking-lane! How far do these bloody cats travel in from?….Jeeesus, we gotta sort out that flap, lock it or summat
Missus: Yeah, but then bobby’ll want out in the middle of the night and you’ll have to go sort it…
Me: sigh….true….

4:00am

Click-thwack-bang!.. Click-thwack-bang!
Missus: Thay’ll be the black one now….