A lion and Lioness, limited prints

Four days ago…
Friday evening, walking up the hill on my way home after a long hot day, I know, I’ll call the missus, wake her up, and see if she fancies a drink in the local. Amazingly, she groggily agrees and we hook up outside the boozah..
The smasher had drawn a picture at nursery, holding it up to me, full of excited expectation; the Missus desperately mouthing the word “James” (character in the Thomas the Tank Engine stories) to me and I knew to say, “Ahhh lovely, a picture of James, well done son, I’m so proud of you, it’s wonderful etc etc”….
10 minutes later I was inadvertently using it as an impromptu beer mat, which he was NOT best pleased about I tell ya. A 4 year old can really express his feelings when he wants to…. I had to down me pint and leg it before the locals turned even uglier..

Talking of crap drawings, the one good thing about me missus working evenings is that I’m no longer subjected to Emmer-Dull and Dull-Enders; I can now flip channels to my hearts content and yesterday I settled onto BidTV, why, I don’t know, the fascination perhaps of watching some wash-up 1980’s has-been desperately trying to flog a couple of “limited” prints of a drawing of a lion and lioness! His delivery was so anxious, so fraught with pitfalls, the silences so drawn out it was like watching crash TV, the equivalent of rubbernecking a roadside crash…
The idea seemed to be that the price keeps coming down, there’s a countdown on the screen both for the number of items left unsold and the price people can bid at, who has the strongest nerve to wait while the price comes slowly down and items are snapped-up? Only last night, no fucker was snapping and the price was dropping to £100, then £80, then £50 and so on and still no one was calling and those that did had their names flashed onscreen and Mr host would say:
"Great Tony of Scarborough, thanks for that, your limited lion prints are safe and on their way to you!"…

Pathetic tv, so sad I was thinking as I picked up the phone and dialled the number, well, £40 for 2 rare prints, gotta be a bargain ain’t they? Be a nice wee surprise for the missus this Xmas, she won’t be expecting them I tell ya and I’ll love seeing her face when she unwraps them xmas morning….
My name flashes up and I get a shout from the host:
“Thanks Steve, from Ware you’re safe, the prints are on their way”…
YES!!